


The Book on Pain

by SassQueen_x



Category: Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Brothers, F/M, Reunions, Romance, Sexual Humor, Sexual Tension, Team Bonding
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-08-21
Updated: 2013-11-12
Packaged: 2017-12-24 05:49:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,526
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/936138
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SassQueen_x/pseuds/SassQueen_x
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU of "Walk With Me" and on: Early on, Merle has to choose where his loyalties lie, with Woodbury, or with his brother. In the meantime, he and Michonne grow closer, without even trying. Merle/Michonne.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Near-Fatal Attraction

**Author's Note:**

> This one starts up after the events of “Walk With Me”. This fic will concentrate on Merlonne, but there will be hints of Caryl as we get further into the story. And, if all goes well, this will be told in Merle’s POV.
> 
> I don’t own The Walking Dead, or any of the affiliated characters.

**_The Book on Pain- Chapter One: Near-Fatal Attraction_ **

                Woodbury’s a mighty fine place, don’t let no bastard tell ya any different. From the short year that I’ve been here, it’s become a home more’n that shitty camp back in Atlanta ever was. The Governor really knows how to run a place, lemme tell ya. Ev’rbody has something to do at Woodbury. Me, I like me a li’l bit of everythin’. Our library is pretty impressive, iffen yer into that sorta thing. I never was much o’ a reader, other’n when I went to sit down with the bible. Still ain’t much for readin’, but I gotta hell of a ton to choose from, either way. And just wait ‘til you see our gun stash. The guys here feel safe, and with damn good reason too.

But, this is why I’m almost scared shitless to leave. Governor’s a good man, iffen yer doing his bidding. I’ve seen what he’s capable of; hell, he’s made me _murder_ countless people. No matter how far gone I was back at Atlanta, I ain’t never killed nobody before. He coulda left me there to bleed out, but he didn’t. Guess he needed a bitch that ain’t afraid of gettin’ his hands dirty.

See, I’ve been doin’ a lot of thinkin’ here lately. Ever since we set out to kill those National Guard soldiers for their weapons and machinery, somethin’ didn’t quite set right. I never really thought any differently, on the account that this man saved my life. Maybe this was just some fucked-up way to get back at my brother for never coming back to Atlanta. Never really looked at it with a bird’s eye view, I reckon.

Before Blondie and her mute came to Woodbury, I was still mad at Daryl. It stung like hell thinking that he was okay with me bein’ stuck on that roof like that. I shoulda known that that wasn’t my li’l brother. Dixon blood is strong; stronger’n anythin’ else on this earth. I shoulda _felt_ it, but no. I was too busy livin’ it up here. I would always be grateful to the Governor for pickin’ me up when he did, but sometimes…

What the fuck am I doing? Sulkin’ o’er the past surely ain’t gonna change anythin’. I shook my head and continued my watch. It was jus’ after sunset, so our curfew was in full effect. No one had never been stupid enough to come out after dark. No one except for… who’s that? Is that Andrea’s mute girlfriend?

I turn around to get a good look at her and, sure enough, there she was. Even I know the girl has issues, and I ain’t no doctor.

“Do I need to remind ya about our damn curfew again, woman?” I snapped, lowering my rifle down to my side.

She just laughed. It was a soft, choppy soundin’ laugh, but it was a laugh nonetheless. I had to actually take a moment to breathe. This one’s attractive, for sure, but that wasn’t nothin’ I was willin’ to admit aloud.

“And do I need to remind you that I can’t stand this place? Your _Governor_ makes me feel uneasy,” she told me, fixin’ her dark eyes on mine. Damn, what was she tryin’ to do? Hypnotize me?!

“Don’ use those womanly wiles on me, mute,” I rasped, glancing around my post to make sure that no one was watching. Anyone in their right mind could get the wrong idea about this… “I ain’t lettin’ ya snoop around after dark.”

“You can’t stop me,” she warned me. I just cackled and jumped down from the gate to Woodbury. She was a funny one; maybe I could have a li’l fun after all.

“Is that so, mute?” I teased. The woman looked like she was ‘bout ready to cut my head off. It was a good thing that her sword was locked away wit’ the Governor. Actually, maybe it would be better if she _did_ have her sword. But she wouldn’t be gettin’ outta here tonight, iffen ya know what I mean. Secretly, I’m prayin’ that she and Blondie ain’t rug munchers after all!

We all know that I’d be the first to call someone a nigger, but I kinda like this one. She’s unpredictable, an’ she can definitely handle her own. When the Governor asked for me to go snoopin’ around for him, she ne’er said much. Blondie, well, as always she was big-mouthed. Mute here, on the other hand, the only thin’ I got outta her was that she wanted me dead. Somethin’ like that might turn a fella like me on.

“How am I still a mute, when I’m having a conversation with you?” The second that that left out of her mouth, I couldn’t help but laugh again.

“What do ya want me to call you then, huh?” I step closer to her, clucking my tongue against my teeth. “My Nubian Queen? Sweetheart, Darling?” By now, I know I’m jus’ a grinnin’. I know her name is Michonne, but I jus’ love fuckin’ with a woman’s mind.

“Merle,” Michonne shifted all of her weight onto her other leg. I just leered her frame up and down. Damn this woman. “Are you hitting on me?”

“Maybe, maybe I am,” I winked. “What if I was, hmm?”

She simply rolled her eyes, somethin’ that a man might take offence to! Michonne went to turn around, and finally she spoke, “if I’m not getting my weapon back tonight, I have no interest in anything else whatsoever…”

“Oh, c’mon,” I kept close behind her, clucking my tongue appreciatively at the way her hips swayed proudly. She ain’t afraid of no one; you could jus’ see it in the way she walked. “I don’ bite, ya know. Well,” I paused for a minute, considering that. “Not unless ya like that sorta shit.”

“How about,” Michonne spun around to face me, stoppin’ me in my tracks. “We pretend that I was never here. You continue with your little watch—“

“And let you continue your little snoop? Not a chance,” I told her, tipping my chin up. “I’ll tell you what, though, my watch is due to end in I dunno… ten minutes? After that, what’dya say we head back to my place… make us a chocolate milkshake, huh?”

Michonne jus’ glared at me. “Keep dreaming, Merle.”

And with that she jus’ fuckin’ left. I growled under my breath and picked my rifle back up, going back to resume my watch.

Women…

                                                                                                o—o—o

              Every morning, I do the same damn thing. I get up, wash my face, and grab me a quick breakfast. This mornin’, things were a li’l different. Brownie comes poundin’ on my door first thing. Didn’t even have time to get any of our coffee. While it ain’t the best in the world, it gets the job done.

Martinez just kept on knockin’, which got on my fuckin’ nerves _real_ quick. I opened the door to let him in; he just struts in like he owns the damn place or somethin’.

“What can I do ya for today, Brownie? Go ahead, make yourself at home!” I said somewhat teasingly, swingin’ the door shut.

“Not me,” Martinez shrugged, hands going into his pocket. “Governor wants you. Says somethin’ about your girlfriend getting out an’ putting her nose in where it don’t belong.”

Now, who in the hell would he be talkin’ about? Surely not Blondie. Must mean only one other person…

“Fine,” I grumbled, “be right there.”

So, I get to the Governor’s apartment and, oddly enough, I’m a li’l nervous. Here lately, me and the boys have no idea what will go through his head next. Even if we _didn’t_ agree with him a hundred fuckin’ percent, we still had to carry out orders. No one left Woodbury for free, there would always a catch.

It turned out that he had seen Michonne sneakin’ out late last night. He didn’t jump in then and there ‘cause he had seen me keepin’ her occupied or what the hell ever else I was doin’.

“I suggest that you don’t too attached to this one, Merle,” the Gov told me. I knitted my brows together. Really? He thought we were gettin’ close? She was worth a good fuck or two, but nothin’ more’n that.

“Nah, Governor, I was jus’ fuckin’ around, is all,” I assured him. He had me sitting down in the common room, chuggin’ down some of Milton’s tea. That was one thing about the four-eyed geek I was certain of, he knew how to make some tea.

“Good,” he sat back in his armchair and just stared at me for a moment. Not gonna lie, that shit kinda freaked me out. “Now, about your brother.”

“Yeah, what about ‘em?” I asked him.

“I know that you want to go look for him, but, I just don’t think that _now_ is the right time for all of that,” the Governor was glancing over at me from his cup of tea. My radar went up on red alert, but I just ignored it like the fuck tard I was.

“Well, when _is_ the right time?” I asked, scooting to the edge of my seat. “Huh? I haven’t seen my brother in about a year!”

“Which is why I say wait,” he explained. None of this was helpin’, mind ya. “He waited this long, he can stand to wait another few weeks,” Governor held his gaze with mine for a moment, “I need you here.”

“He’s my brother,” I replied. God dammit, what part did he not get? There wasn’t a damn thing that he could do to keep me from going to even just visit Daryl.

Gov jus’ leaned forward, a smirk quickly appearing on his face. “And your brother was the one who rescued you from when you had to cauterize your hand to escape the biters. Right? ‘Cause that surely wasn’t me.”

“Sorry, Governor,” I murmured, gettin’ up from the armchair after more than a few moments of silence. “Anythin’ else ya need me for?”

“I want you to keep a close eye on Michonne. She starts acting like she wants to snoop around after dark again, you need to set her straight. Can you do that, Merle?”

“Yeah, ya got it,” I replied hastily. If he had caught onto that fact I was in a hurry, he hadn’t said anythin’ about it. Have I mentioned lately how I’m jus’ gettin’ bad vibes from this place? Daryl and me; we didn’t like something, we ran. But now, hell, I’m too damn scared to run. The Governor ain’t no joke. My head could wind up in one of those aquariums as a trophy, oh so very easily.

He just nodded and sent me off on my own way. I was at a loss for a moment after I left the apartment. Was the Governor really telling me that I couldn’t go see my brother? And, even if I did, what if I did it all quiet like?

And then it occurred to me: I couldn’t leave my baby brother. Not after all of the other times that I let him down. When we were kids, I got the shit beaten outta me on a regular. Come find out, so had Daryl. I left him when I joined the military. I left him thinkin’ I was dead back in Atlanta… and now this?

I looked down at my bayonet, which I prefer callin’ Li’l Merle, thank ya’ll very much. This was going to be a difficult decision. The Governor saved my life, yeah, but Daryl’s my li’l brother. He’s my blood.

                                                                                             o—o—o

        “Woodbury ain’t a bad place, darlin’,” I winked at my Nubian Queen. Not that she really paid that much mind anyways. “Hey, are ya sure that you and Blondie ain’t knockin’ boots someplace?”

Michonne just tilted her head a fraction as she… processed it, I reckon. “Just because I don’t fall for your advances, doesn’t mean that I’m a lesbian.”

“Sure it don’t,” I teased. Shit, keeping an eye on this one might actually be fun.

“Are you sure that Woodbury is such a safe place?” Michonne asked. I just laughed at that.

“Would you rather be here where there’s hot water and warm beds, or out there without a roof and biters makin’ a good meal outta ya?”I reminded her. That much was true. I’d rather be in Woodbury with a psycho than out there with a thousand psychos with a knack for flesh.  At least, with this psycho, there’s only him.

“It’s too good to be true,” she began, shaking her head in spite of everything.

“Ya just gotta pick an’ choose the bullshit ya personally wanna deal with. It’s all too good to be true, but ya can’t be afraid jus’ ‘cause you’re unsure,” I told her. We were standin’ outside of her and Andrea’s temporary apartment. I was subconsciously drawing myself closer to her, without realizing it until I was practically right on top of her. What the fuck is she doing to me?! I have to keep an eye on her, I know that, but why do we have to bond?!  I don’t even have to fuckin’ try!

I stared down at her, very aware of the fact that I could see down her shirt. Dammit, it was a perfect view too!

“Merle…”

“What?” I rasp. Hadn’t realized it until now that I was _still_ staring down at her chest…  Oh shit.

Our eyes met again and she finally spoke again, “is there any reason why you keep getting closer. Or, since we’re apparently on the subject, that you can’t stop staring at my chest?”

Anybody have a good excuse for me to come up with…? Shit. Didn’t think so.


	2. Savin' Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michonne snoops around. Merle is given an ultimatum, and makes his choice for the sake of his brother.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If any of you are familiar with the Survival Instinct game, you’ll most likely see the elements from both that and the TV show while reading this story. 
> 
> I do not own The Walking Dead.

**_The Book on Pain- Chapter Two: Savin’ Me_ **

                _“Daryl? …Do you think that walkers feel pain?”_

I stirred around in bed, my damn mind runnin’ a mile a minute. All I could think about was me and Daryl. The past, the present, shit, I even thought about what would happen if we ever saw each other again.

_“…You know I’ve got your back. I’m the only man you can trust.”_

And he had said that he knew. I swear; if anything ever happens to my li’l brother, I don’t care if we’re miles away from each other, I’d find a way to blame myself. He is the only fuckin’ thing in this world that I care about.

Daryl went through hell to find me, way back before any of that shit went down in Atlanta. He went all the way to Fontana, just to get my ass out of the prison! That’s how us Dixon boys are. We’re strong. We’re loyal, and we stick the fuck together.

I sit up in bed and rub my good hand across my face. Sleep ain’t gonna be so easy tonight, now is it? Iffen it ain’t Daryl on my mind, it’s damn Michonne. She still ain’t payin’ me no mind. Now, normally, when a woman lets me down, I let it go. Sure, I accuse her sorry ass of bein’ a rugmuncher, but I end up lettin’ it go. With my Nubian Queen, though, it’s hella different. Can’t really tell ya why, ‘cause I ain’t so sure myself. It’s kinna like, the more she pushes me away, the more I want to chase her down an’ win ‘er over. An’ I ain’t _that_ desperate for a piece of ass, either, if that’s what you’re thinkin’.

Man, this shit ain’t even cool! I can’t get ‘er outa my damn mind. She’s usin’ those fuckin’ womanly wiles on me, I’ll tell ya. Well, the Gov wants me to keep a close eye on her. Li’l does he know that that’ll probably end up killin’ me.

I turn over one good time and find that comfort spot. Maybe it’s a good thing she’s on my mind. Maybe we’ll end up going together to find my brother. She seems quick to get out of this damn place, anyways. Huh, I think I might actually be calm enough to go back to sleep. Womanly wiles, God dammit!

                                                                                                o—o—o

I finally drag my ass outta bed at a decent hour with a surprisingly clear head. No Darylina, and no Nubian Queen to cloud up the ambiance… or some shit like that. Here I am, lookin’ forward to a cup of that damn slop for coffee, but somethin’s always gotta ruin it. I don’ even get in the kitchen for more’n thirty seconds before someone is poundin’ on my door again! Damn, can’t a man have some peace, just for a couple of hours?!

Come to find out, Michonne finds a way to work herself back into my mind. She’s snoopin’ around where she don’t belong… AGAIN! Dammit, woman, if ya gotta snoop, why not do it more covert like? She must like gettin’ my ass in trouble.

“Well, why do ya think _I_ can do somethin’ about ‘er? That black bitch has a mind o’ her own,” I reminded Martinez. He had been sent by the Gov, of course, because… what? She was takin’ everythin’ in cautiously? Shit, Blondie is already droolin’ in the Governor’s lap. At least my Nubian Queen had some wit about her.

Brownie jus’ threw his hands up the air. “I dunno, man. I’m jus’ followin’ orders and passin’ on messages.”

Me and the Governor are gonna have to have a talk ‘bout this. What did _he_ want me to do about ‘er? She ain’t my woman, she ain’t my kid, and she most certainly ain’t my mama.

I shit ya not, though, when I came out of my place, I had to stop for a second and shake my head straight.

 What. The. _Fuck_ is all of this about? I’m not supposed to be attracted to black women. But there was Michonne and all of her dark-chocolately goodness. The woman must be a witch. She’s puttin’ her voodoo magic on me, so’s that she’ll get ‘er a piece of ol’ Merle.

She was inspectin’ the trucks from the National Guard folk. Shit, no wonder why the Governor wants someone to shoo ‘er away. Look, I ain’t proud of what I did, but I did what I had to do. We _all_ did.

I glance over my shoulder to see where Martinez had gone. Damn man ran off faster’n I could blink. Ev’ryone else was jus’ goin’ about their day. What we got goin’ on here is a good thing. Folk are safe and content, an’ they all have their places here. (Or, that’s what I have to keep tellin’ myself, at least.  Mother fuckin’ Governor won’ even let me leave to see my own brother…)

So, it was just me and my Nubian Queen now. She looked up at me once and started to head in the opposite direction. Before she could get too far, I chased down after her.

“Hey, hey, where do ya think yer headed off to in such a big ass hurry, hmm?” I ask her, finally caught up with her stride.

“Away,” Michonne paused and turned her head back at me. “I want my weapon and I want _out_.”

“Oh, sweetheart, don’t be like that. Thought I had convinced ya to stay for a li’l while longer?” Dammit, she wasn’t leavin’ me here. Not unless I was headin’ to see my brother. Is it bad that I actually think I’d _miss_ her…? But I ain’t gettin’ attached. Not at all.

“You never convinced me of anything, redneck,” the dark beauty murmured, cuttin’ those hypnotic brown eyes at me.

I came closer, leaning back against the truck. Michonne is just glarin’ at me like I’m doin’ somethin’ unheard of. Maybe I’m jus’ enjoying this too much. Maybe that’s my problem all along.

“Redneck, huh? You finally on the nickname express, then?” I asked her, burstin’ with laughter.

She just quirked an eyebrow all smart-like. “As many as you have for me, I’m sure I can come up with plenty of more.”

Again, I couldn’t help but laugh. “Oh, darling, you’re jus’ full o’ yourself today, ain’t ya?”

Michonne grew quiet as she started glarin’ at the National Guard truck again. I could tell then that the fun was over. She was back to wantin’ answers.

“This truck was shot at. Why?” she asked, tipping her chin upwards. “And don’t tell me that you were shooting at the walkers. You. Don’t. Waste. A. Bullet.”

“What if there was a herd, huh? We all can’t have us a special sword like yourself,” I told her. If the folks found out just _what_ was goin’ on, they would be afraid an’ they’d want to leave. Can’t say that I blame ‘em, but it’s jus’ best not to go there at all.

“Try another,” Michonne whispered, her stance rock solid. Shit, was that hot, or what?

“Look, I’m jus’ tellin’ ya the truth, _Mi_ chonne. Take it up with the boss man, if ya don’ like it—“

And as soon as that part fell out of my big, fat mouth, I was wishin’ it hadn’t. Damn woman was gonna take me seriously!

She finally took the next move and inched closer to me. I jus’ looked like a big ol’ guppy, no doubt. I had no fuckin’ words for her. All I could do was stare down at her. Michonne didn’t do anything but give me that li’l hard glare of hers an’ walked away. Just. Like. That.

Don’t nothin’ catch Merle Dixon by surprise. This one, though, she sure as hell did. She’s cautious, unpredictable, and shit yes she’s dangerous! She’s the only woman in the world, other’n my mama, o’ course, I had ever thought about takin’ seriously. My mama, ‘cause she was my mama— no matter how much she liked to drink and chain smoke. And Michonne, ‘cause well… she’s one scary bitch when she wants to be. (Somehow, that much turns me on more’n ya know.)

Now, I’m jus’ diggin’ my own grave, I reckon. Time to do what I do best: Act smug and deny _every_ damn thing.

                                                                                o—o—o

                Later on, I come up on Blondie talkin’ all close-like to the Governor. I figure something’s goin’ on between the two of ‘em, e’en if it hadn’t hit ‘em yet.

“Well, if it isn’t the man of the hour,” Gov spoke to me, noddin’ my way. He had asked for me, yet again. I’m guessin’ that this was about Michonne.

I give a grin, though I ain’t too sure ‘bout what he means by that shit. What he said next jus’ made me freeze.

“Andrea, can you give us a minute?” he asked Blondie, who glanced in between us real quick before duckin’ out of the room.

The Governor motioned for me to sit down next to him. “Michonne is becoming a problem. And a big one at that.”

I do everythin’ in my power to keep from fidgeting in my seat. “I know. What are ya gonna do about ‘er?”

“Well,” the Governor scratched his chin for a second. Like he really needs to think… This fucker has one solution for every problem: death. “I think that we should just do away with her, before she gets to be a heavier burden.”

“She’s Andrea’s friend, ain’t she? I doubt she’ll be happy wit’ us runnin’ away Michonne,” I reply. If I can’t convince the Gov otherwise, Michonne is as good as dead.

“Andrea will be fine. She’s fitting into Woodbury just fine. Michonne, on the other hand, she’s… well, I don’t know—“

“—I’ll deal with ‘er, Governor,” I tried to assure him. “Told ya I would keep an eye on ‘er, but if it ain’t workin’, I’ll do what I gotta do.” Was the quickest thing I could think of. Dammit, what has my big mouth gotten me into this time?  

The Governor jus’ smiled a little and clapped me hard on the back. On the inside, I’m lettin’ out the biggest fuckin’ sigh in the world.

“I knew that I could count on you, Merle,” he told me. “I don’t just want you to take her out of Woodbury. I want you to _eliminate_ her. Do we understand each other?”

“Loud an’ clear, sir,” I responded, feelin’ the bile rising to my throat. When I went to get up, he called back to me again.

“Oh, and Merle?” I turned around to face him, only to see a stern look on his face. “Don’t let me find out that you’ve gone to visit your brother. There will be _no_ pit stops. You get Michonne out of Woodbury. You kill her and you bring her head back to me.”

By that time, all of my fear turned to damn rage. Who in the _hell_ was he to tell me that I couldn’t go see my brother? Boy, is he mistaken. I don’t need his damn permission. I’m forty-six fuckin’ years old. Try me _Philip_ ; I dare ya! I’m takin’ Michonne, alright, but we’re goin’ to find my brother. With or without Andrea’s dumb ass!

I just nod back at the Governor before I leave. Although I probably didn’t do such a hot job, I at least tried to keep my scowl to a _minimum_. It was about time for my next watch. Least that one was with Brownie. He kept things funny. After that watch, Blondie and my mute were gettin’ a visit.

                                                                                o—o—o

                 God dammit, am I exhausted. The watch was nothin’ excitin’. Me and Martinez just fucked around, at best. But now I’ve gotta huge problem on my hand. Governor wants Michonne dead. I want Michonne alive ‘cause for some damn reason I can’t shake her outta my damn head. And the most important part of all is that I can’t visit my brother, even just for a few minutes. In all honesty, I’m jus’ ready to leave Woodbury for good.

 I don’t care that the Governor saved me from myself back in Atlanta; he is nothin’ but a psycho. All of these other folk can deal with him, but I ain’t gonna do it. I drew the line back when he kept me from leavin’ to find my brother way back when I first came to Woodbury. It was thin back then, but now it’s done made a mark. I. Am. Done.

I knock on the front door to Andrea and Michonne’s apartment, already impatient for one o’ these women to let me in. Word got around quick in small places like Woodbury. If someone saw me and reported it back to the Governor…

Blondie finally answered the damn door. She looked surprised to see me. I chuckled at her annoyed expression.

“What, not happy to see ol’ faces?” I ask her, still havin’ fun joking at her expense.

“Merle, I’m sorry but… what are you doing here?” Andrea asked, one hand propped up on her hip. That was her bitch stance. It was between that and that damn annoyin’ head bob o’ hers. I often even ask myself why I was attracted her to begin with. I _must_ have been desperate for a piece o’ ass.

“Wanted to talk to you and your mute girlfriend,” I glance down at Blondie, “’s that alright wit’ ya?”

“Yeah, sure,” she gave me another strange look, but she let me in anyways. “Uh, let me go get Michonne. You want something to drink?”

“Surprise me,” I winked at Andrea, sending her on her way.

The apartments in Woodbury weren’t bad. Shit, they were roomy and had decent sized kitchens. (Not that we’d need a big ol’ kitchen nowadays, but still.)

Michonne and Andrea finally came back into the room a few minutes later. Blondie handed me a bottled water; I took it and chugged a quick swig.

“What, no booze?” I teased.

“No, Merle,” Andrea snorted. “Now, what do you want?” She sat down next to my Nubian Queen, who had her eyes carefully on me.

“What farm did ya’ll stay at before ya go overrun by biters? I know that he ain’t there anymore, but I’m a real good tracker. ‘Specially when it comes to my family,” I began. Might as well cut to the chase. Or at least the gist of it.

Blondie held up a finger, signalin’ me to wait. She got up and headed back towards the back bedrooms. For a minute, it was just me and my mute. Michonne just looked at me, judging my next move, maybe?

I went over to her couch and plopped down next to her. “I gots me a plan, that might be crazy enough to work,” I whispered to her.

Michonne kept a fast eye on the hallway, just in case Andrea decided to sneak up on them and eavesdrop, I’m guessin’. “I’m listening.”

“After Blondie drops for the night, sneak out to my place. I’ll be waitin’ to let ya in,” I explained, boring my eyes into hers. “If I wanna do this, I gotta do this as soon as possible.”

“But, why am I getting in the middle of this, then?” my Nubian Queen finally asked. I jus’ grinned. Smart woman.

“Because, I’ve got a win-win plan over here. We both get somethin’ we want. Only catch is that ya gotta trust me and go along with what I say—“

“And that works so well half of the time—“

“Woman, watch it!” I snap. “Look, if ya wanna be stuck here, then by all means, stay.”

Michonne jus’ stared at me, careful what to say as Andrea came ‘round the corner again.

Blondie came back with a map in her hand, doing a double take as she saw how I had moved onto the couch with Michonne. “Well, I see that we’re getting along better, are we?”

My mute and I shared a quick glance, and that just made me laugh. “C’mon, Blondie, show me where my brother has run off to.”


	3. Between The Raindrops

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Here’s a new chapter of “The Book on Pain”! In case ya’ll didn’t know, the title of this story comes from the Shinedown song “Sound of Madness”; it’s a pretty good representation of Merle, and it just fit for the story, ya know? 
> 
> I own nothing.

        When I get me a plan, I can guaran-damn-tee ya that I’ll get it done. As far as the others: Martinez, Crowley, Tim, an good ol’ Neil are concerned, I’m gonna be killin’ Michonne today. All o’ us, except for Brownie, ‘cause he’s too busy with his head shoved up the Governor’s ass, will be leaving Woodbury. We’ll tell Michonne that she’s free to go, an’ even give her that damn sword back. The boys seem to think that we’re gonna go after her an’ kill ‘er after she’s had a few minutes to herself. Sure, we’re gonna go after her, but they ain’t ever comin’ back from it. My Nubian Queen and I’ll make sure o’ that.

“Surely, you know that the Governor will start searching for us when _none_ of his men come back from this mission,” Michonne deadpanned, just staring back at me. We were leanin’ against my kitchen counter, discussing jus’ what was gonna go down tomorrow.

I laughed at that. Hard. “Girl, if he’s that determined to come find us an’ kill us, we’ll know it,” my laughter subsided, and I just lean over the counter, that much closer to the dark beauty in front of me.  “Shit, we might even have to pay him a visit sometime soon. Depends on how well he wants to play.”

This woman surely knows how to get under my skin. She hopped up on the counter, peering over that slender, bare shoulder o’ hers. Guess she don’t know what kinda effect she has on a ol’ bastard like me.

“Fine,” she finally agreed. I heard her sigh, an’ I couldn’t help but watch that damn sexy bust rise and fall as she released that deep breath o’ air. “I’ll go along with your plan, Merle, but that doesn’t mean we’re bosom buds, or anythin’ like that.”

“Sure thang, sweetheart,” I make sure to give ‘er my best smug grin. “Not like we like each other or nothin’, right?

Michonne tenses those shoulders before glancin’ o’er at me again. I’ll admit, I may like this one a li’l more’n I should. It’s just so damn fun when she gives me _that_ look, like she’ll rip me a new one if I cross her the wrong way. Scratch that, actually, it’s not just fun—it’s damn sexy, too. This one is oozin’ with the sex appeal, an’ I bet ya she does it on purpose. Tryin’ to pull a fast one on’ ol’ Merle. Well, I gots her a thing or two…

The girl never said another word, she jus’ stared at me. Hell, I think I may have made my point, huh? To break the ice, I jus’ came around the counter an’ nodded my head towards her. “C’mon, then, let’s get ya settled in for the night. We’ll leave first thing in the mornin’ to get ya good an’ killed.”

She gave me a strange look, but before I knew it, she was standin’ right in front o’ me again. We were so damn close. Fuck, I could jus’ pull her o’er and kiss her here an’ now. She would never know what hit her…

I couldn’t do it, though. Not now. There’s a time an’ place for everythin’, ain’t there? Because I’m such a nice guy, I let Michonne have my bed for the night an’ I take the couch. I’d much rather be in the bed with this beauty, but I can wait. Soon enough, she’ll be beggin’ for me to take her.

Michonne leaves Woodbury at about nine the next mornin’, and I’m sure as hell happy to watch that ass sway as I let her out of the front gate. We’ve got our game plan all squared away; my Nubian Queen ain’t gonna get too far away. And when she sees us, well, the rest of the boys are as good as dead.

I hang back for a few minutes, explainin’ to Crowley, Tim, an’ Neil that we’re gonna go out, do the deed, an’ come back for a li’l _fiesta_. O’ course, what I’m really talkin’ about is gettin’ Michonne alone, but they ain’t gotta know that, now do they?  

We head out an’ I pretend to have my gun ready. My Nubian Queen dropped down like a damn wild cat and went shogun on all of their asses. All that was left standing was that damn beaner boy. He stood there with his mouth wide fuckin’ open. Be a man and fight back, boy! It was almost too easy to shoot him right between the eyes.

Michonne stared at me awful strange as I stabbed the boys’ heads, puttin’ ‘em out of their undead misery.

“What’s on yer mind, Mute?” I asked her, givin’ ‘er my best grin.

“Nothing,” she told me, which I knew was bullshit. I let it slide, though, an’ I just laughed it off.

“Suit yourself, but don’t come bellyachin’ to me when ya finally want to talk about it—“

“I still don’t understand why Andrea couldn’t have gone with us,” Michonne frowned. She wouldn’t look at me, but I knew that her damn feelings were hurt. All Blondie cared about lately was gettin’ a piece o’ ass.

“Don’t worry ‘bout her none, sweetheart,” I stepped closer to my Nubian Queen, but she took a quick step back. Okay, so this was gonna be more o’ a chase than I thought it was gonna be. I stared down into her dark eyes, right in time for the damn bottom to fall out o’ the sky.

Hell, maybe this was gonna end up being interesting after all.

o—o—o

Me and Michonne found a place to lay low while the storm of the century was goin’ on outside. We had barely made it past the herd of biters. Shit, if it hadn’t been for her havin’ my back, my ass would have been long dead. I ain’t even tryin’ to lie about that. Michonne knows what she’s doin’; that is one badass woman. Personally, I’d never met a woman quite like her before. She intimidates me an’ fascinates me at the same time. What a fuckin’ combo, huh?

I’m steadily starin’ at Michonne, ‘cause after a while she finally asked me what I was lookin’ at. I coulda made some smartass remark about watching the sexy ass woman in front of me, but I didn’t. Nah.  I did continue to look at the dark beauty. That’s when it occurred to me that she was wearing a necklace with an “A” charm laced through the chain.

“Hey, darlin’, there somethin’ ya ain’t tellin’ us about your real name?” I asked her, motioning to the chain wrapped around her neck. Couldn’t help but notice as she grabbed it and gave me the saddest look I believed I had ever seen.

“That’s way more than you need to know, redneck,” she sighed heavily and was quick to turn away from me. Damn. Just when I was thinkin’ things were lookin’ up.

“Maybe one day you’ll tell me everythin’, huh? Ya know, we need to get along for the trip. Might as well start somewhere,” I reasoned. Could easily tell that she was wary to open up about her past. So what  that she had a shitty backstory? Mine ain’t much better, darlin’. Michonne jus’ peered over her shoulder again and I held her gaze for what felt like fuckin’ ever. Now that, _that_ was somethin’.

After a while, the storm finally died down. It was about damn time; we head out, hoping to find where my baby brother had run off to. I keep myself trailing behind Michonne and damn if I wasn’t enjoyin’ the view. She didn’t really seem to care, either. The hell was up with her?

“Girl, what’s the matter? Ya ain’t sayin’ much,” I catch up with her so that we were walkin’ side-by-side now.

“Didn’t know that I was such a chatterbox before…” Michonne whispered, lookin’ over at me real quick like.

Just as I realized that the woman may have had a point, about half a dozen fuckin’ biters start lurching our way. My woman doesn’t waste any time going after them with her katana, sliding their heads off one by one. Damn if that wasn’t sexy…

I had gotten a bit distracted, I reckon, ‘cause before I know it, I’m tackled down by a lone biter. If it hadn’t been for quick reflexes, I never woulda been able to stab that fucker through the eye. Michonne held her hand out for me, as a sort of peace treaty. We needed to trust each other from here on out, and watch each other’s backs. I think my woman was finally starting to understand that.

I take Michonne’s hand and hoisted myself back off from the ground. We continue on for another mile or so, and it takes us to a stream. In the apocalypse, unless yer completely well off, yer _damn_ happy to see water. It means actually gettin’ remotely clean and I’ll be happy to fill a couple o’ canteens with water for later on. Me and Michonne hear have no damn clue where we’re going. We’re jus’ walking; in all honesty, my baby brother could be anywhere right about now.

“Well,” I cluck my tongue, clappin’ my hands together soundly. “Lookie what we got here!”

I was damn happy to see it. This was gonna be fun, though. Would my Nubian Queen wash up in the stream with me? Now, ya’ll know that I ain’t afraid to get undressed in front of no woman.  Guess we’ll have ta wait an’ see what’ll happen. I glance over at Michonne again, an’ she’s still lookin’ at me a might strange. With a shrug, I kick off my boots an’ socks.

She stood still, jus’ watchin’ me. Hell, maybe she was likin’ what she was seein’. It’s been a good, long, while since I’ve had me a woman. I won’t mind a piece o’ that dark meat over there.

My shirt is the next to go. I pull it over my head and toss it to the side. I take pride in my body; even if the world went to shit, I still worked out every damn day. When I glance over at my Nubian Queen again, her eyebrows were quirked up, but she still had that blank expression in place. Have I mentioned lately how much I’d love to just pull her over to me and jus’ have my fuckin’ way with her however I damn please in this stream?

Because _damn_. I’ll give her somethin’ ta look at.

“Come on, now,” I teased. “Don’t be shy now, woman. We’re all friends here, right?”

“Yeah,” she snorted, rollin’ those deep brown eyes o’ hers. “But friends don’t bathe together, either.”

“Well, we’re more like friends wit’ benefits,” I kept my eyes glued on hers as I single-handedly unzipped my pants and did away with those as well. Funny thing about having one hand: you adapt to doing things with that one hand, quicker than you would think, too.

Michonne laughed at me, “friends with benefits, really? Redneck, I hardly even know you.” I could tell that she was havin’ ta restrain herself, _especially_ when I stripped down completely. So, I thought with a grin, even my Nubian Queen has her weaknesses. And, apparently, I was one o’ ‘em.

“Oh, come on, mute. Join me for a li’l swim, huh?” I asked her, stalking past and submerging myself in the stream. “I don’t bite!” Well, okay, we all know that that much was a lie, but she ain’t gotta know that.

Michonne finally admitted defeat an’ came up to the stream. I reckon she noticed the scars on my back, ‘cause she just stood there for a second or two, before she started to take off her vest an’ jerk at the hem on her tank top that hardly left any damn thing to the imagination.

I glanced over my shoulder when I heard the slosh of her finally stepping into the water. When I did, though, I had to do a fuckin’ double take. Our scars were practically identical, only difference being that hers looked a whole hell of a lotta newer than mine was.

“Damn, woman, who did that shit to you?” I asked, more harshly than intended. Whoever hurt her was liable to get their faces beat in.

She went to turn away from me, but my quick reflexes spun her around to face me. She watched me pretty damn closely, her arms covering up her chest. I surprised her by tipping her chin up slightly. Michonne didn’t move an inch, but she kept her eyes glued on mine.

“It doesn’t matter who did that to me—“ my Nubian Queen thickly added. I wasn’t buying that shit; not for one minute.

“You’re out of your damn mind if I’m gonna let this go!” I told her, nudging towards the necklace that she had yet to take off. “Bad ex or somethin’?”

Michonne wouldn’t look me in the eye anymore, and somehow I knew that I had probably fucking severed a nerve or two. I sighed and let her go. Eventually, though, I _would_ find out, God dammit.

o—o—o

There was still plenty of daylight left out there when we left the stream. We made sure to fill a couple o’ canteens up for later use after the two of us washed up the best that we could. Woulda been nice if we had some soap or some shit, but canteens an’ weapons sounded much more important than damn soap when we were packing in Woodbury.

Michonne was still keepin’ to herself, an’ I reckon I couldn’t blame her. Besides, I had to focus on finding my baby brother, first and foremost. (Just the fact that I’m slowin’ down to check on how she’s doin’, though, I know that I’m surely and thoroughly fucked.) I ain’t good at elaboratin’ on my feelings. Never have been. I thought I’d be able to keep my thoughts to myself, maybe get a fuck in, but now shit has gotten serious. She was _more_ than attractive, more’n mysterious, an’ I wanted her in every shape, way, or form that I could have her.

“We should scavenge for supplies,” Michonne reminded me, finally knocking me out of my train of thought. “Before we get any farther. We have no idea where we’re going to be lead to, right?”

“Yeah,” I grin, tryin’ to shake off all of my thoughts o’ her. “Good thinkin’, mute.”

We rounded the back corner of a building leading out of the woods. So far, we hadn’t seen very many more biters since we found the stream. I snuck around to the front of the strip buildings, payin’ special attention to the parking spots still occupied with vacant cars. Maybe they had something good in ‘em. Wasn’t like _they_ were gonna use ‘em again. The bodies that were in the vehicles were all fucking attacked by biters.

Michonne brushed past me and went to head into one of the shops. I heard her take a sharp breath, like somethin’ had just scared the shit outta her. When I went to see what she had found, even I had to do a double take. There standin’ before my woman was two survivors. And not just _any_ survivors, neither.

There was my fuckin’ baby brother, and mousy housewife Carol Peletier.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reviews would be loved! How are you guys liking the progression of Merle and Michonne’s relationship? Too fast, too slow, just right, or it’s not going at all. Let me know!


	4. The Green Light

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not own The Walking Dead.

    I shift all o’ my weight onto one foot, an’ I feel like all o’ my breath was sucked out o’ me. This really was too fuckin’ good to be true. Of all of the people that we coulda run into, it happens to be the exact one that I’ve been lookin’ for. I don’t even know how to speak, right now. My mouth’s open wide, like a damn fool.

Daryl stepped closer to me an’ my woman, studying us wit’ those squinted eyes of his. Michonne looked to me, probably expectin’ me to explain what the hell was goin’ on. I’m still too robbed for words to speak. I squeeze my woman’s shoulder, hopin’ that it would ease her worried tension.

“Merle?” my baby brother finally spoke, breaking the ice for the both of us. I felt a big grin tug at my face. God was it good to see his ass.

“Darylina, the fuck ya been, man?” I asked, wrapping my arms around him in a big bear hug.

“Lookin’ for yer ass, that’s for sure,” Daryl pulled back from the hug, “guess I could ask you the same thing, can’t I?”

I laugh to myself and broke the embrace. By that time, Carol had stepped up as well and was looking at me an’ Michonne.

“Well, ain’t ya a sight for sore eyes, huh?” I told the mousy housewife, goin’ o’er to hug her for the hell of it. “My baby brother takin’ good care o’ ya?”

Carol just looked at me a might strange; shit, maybe they really were together after all. I was jus’ jokin’. “He’s taking good care of us all, Merle,” she told me, awkwardly pattin’ me on the back.

Michonne finally got me to look at her. Guess it was time to start explainin’. I went over to her and slipped my arm around her. She frowned at me, but she didn’t shake me off. So, I reckon she was okay with it.

“This is my woman, Michonne. She came with me to look for yer ass when no one else would,” I told Daryl, glancing down at my warrior woman proudly. “Look,” I added after a moment of silence, my eyes meeting with my little brother’s, “I don’t care about what happened back in Atlanta anymore. We’re just lucky that we found ya so soon.”

Daryl looked like he was really thinkin’ about something. I didn’t say anything else, just let him process everything. Shit, I could use a little processing time myself. I expected to be out for days trying to find Darylina, and yet here we are. Not that I’m complainin’, now.

“We were on a supply run. There ain’t many of us left now. You come with us, and I don’t know what the others will say. Just try to work wit’ ‘em. We ain’t had a good track record with lettin’ people in out of the blue,” my baby brother began.

“I got your back, little brother,” I spoke, nodding towards him. “Your friends will be damn glad to see us. We got a li’l insight that ya’ll might take advantage of.”

I was talking about the Governor and Woodbury, obviously. Eventually, good ol’ Philip would find these other group of survivors. An’ we all know that he wouldn’t think twice about gunnin’ ‘em all down. At least they could be prepared for it now…

“Yeah?” Daryl snorted, “this oughta be good.”

“You have no idea, baby brother,” I added, just as snidely. “Now, about this supply run. What are we lookin’ for?”

“Baby formula, for the most part,” Carol spoke up, her voice just about a whisper. I looked at the mousy housewife, confused out of my damn mind.

“Y’all got a baby now?” I asked, looking down at Michonne and then back at them, “since when?”

“It’s Lori’s. She died during childbirth a few days ago…” the mousy housewife told me, refusing to look my way.

Well, things just got a little more interesting, now didn’t they? “I’m sorry to hear that. No baby should be without their mama.”

What was really interesting, though, was the distant look that was on Michonne’s face. I noticed that it had started as soon as we started talkin’ ‘bout baby formula. Wonder what’s up with that…

“Hey,” I bumped my woman’s shoulder, gaining her eyes on mine. “Ya alright?”

She just nodded, which didn’t help my damn state of mind at all. One day, I would decipher this woman.

“C’mon, let’s just get this over with. We gotta get back to Li’l Ass Kicker,” Daryl started, heading inside the first shop.

I shook my head and followed behind everyone else. One day.

                                                                                                o—o—o

                I watched my woman as she put some baby supplies in the basket she was carrying. Something wasn’t right. She seemed… off, or some shit. Even though I ain’t her boyfriend, I felt like I had to say something to her. Lift her spirits up somehow, ya know?

I went up behind her and whispered her name. When she whirled around to face me, I just clucked my tongue and grinned back at her. “What’s with the long face, sweetheart?” I swiped my good hand across her dreadlocks, adding, “what can ol’ Merley do for ya?”

“Nothing,” she murmured, going to turn back around. I betcha she didn’t expect it when I grabbed her and pulled ‘er against my chest. I hooked the basket on her arm with my bayonet, chucking it to the side to hold ‘er closer.

“C’mon, Mute, you’ve been quiet since we left Woodbury yesterday. Somethin’s gotta give. What’s up?” I asked, staring back at her worry-ridden face.

“Nothing that concerns you. I’ll be fine,” Michonne tried to break away from me, but I wasn’t takin’ no for an answer.

“I ain’t too sure about that. C’mon, sugar, just tell me what’s up—“

“If you’re trying to get into my pants, it’s not going to work that way,” she told me, making me chuckle.

“What way _is_ gonna work?” I asked her, eyes raking her up and down. O’ course, I was just joking on my woman. Don’t really think she took it as a joke, though.

Michonne finally broke from my embrace and stormed off into the other direction. By that time, my baby brother and his companion were coming up to see us.

“What’s wrong with her?” Carol whispered towards me. I just shrugged; couldn’t tell ya for nothing in this world. Something was wrong, for sure. Whatever it was, I didn’t have a damn clue.

“Something’s up, li’l woman. Wish I knew what, but I just don’t,” I explained, watching Michonne from a far. She was steadily puttin’ stuff in that basket o’ hers. Normally, she never cracked a smile, but this time, there was somethin’ off with that frown. An’ I wasn’t gonna let it go ‘til I knew what the hell was goin’ on.

Carol had acquired a basket full of baby toys for the li’l youngen, an’ Daryl got the blankets and diapers. I was more than anxious to get somewhere safe. The Governor would be comin’ to look for our asses when he realized that none of his assassins have returned.

“C’mon, let’s get back home,” Daryl began, lookin’ o’er at me an’ then nudging towards Michonne. “Get yer woman over there. I don’t wanna be away with this formula for much longer. I ain’t losing anyone else.”

I nodded, smugly grinning. My baby brother was growing up fast on me. Seems like I had taught him right good o’er the years. When I went to grab Michonne, I jus’ took her by the elbow and pulled her closer. For a second, she was distant. Her eyes met with mine again an’ she was back down to reality. 

“Ya ready to go, _Mi_ chonne?” I asked, teasing her with a smirk.

“Yes. I don’t want to give the Governor a chance to catch up with us,” my woman agreed, brushing past me and meeting up with Daryl and the mousy housewife.

“Governor?” My baby brother grumbled, “the hell is that?”

“He’s the bastard that we just got away from. He ain’t one to be fucked wit’, that’s for damn sure…” I looked over at Michonne, and then down at my feet. “I ain’t proud o’ what I did for him, but I thought I owed his ass for when he scooped my ass up from Atlanta.”

After I cleared my throat, I added, “the point is… we left when we weren’t supposed to. He’ll be lookin’ for us, and when he does, shit will hit the fan, and blood will be spilled.”

“We got your back, brother,” Daryl told me, nodding for what it was worth. “As long as you have ours.”

“If I didn’t have your back, then why the hell else would I have left to come look for you?” I asked my baby brother. It was true through. If there was anyone that I was loyal and true to, it would be Daryl. I held him at night when he was a baby, every night. When mama was either too drunk, or too lazy to get out of bed, I was there tuckin’ baby Daryl into his crib. I was there for him when no one else was. That shit wasn’t gonna change. Not fuckin’ ever.

The four of us head out of the store when we’re sure that we have everything that we came for. That was when it hit me: my baby brother was ridin’ my ol’ motorcycle I had back in Fontana.

“You’re drivin’ this piece o’ shit?” I asked.

“Yeah,” Daryl told me, patting the motorcycle thoughtfully, “she still drives true, no matter what.”

“Damn, baby brother. I woulda thought that ya woulda left it back in Atlanta—“

“I knew I was gonna find ya, one damn day. I never gave up hope,” Daryl smiled—actually fuckin’ smiled at me.

I met with Michonne’s dark eyes, holdin’ my good hand out for her. She reluctantly took it and glanced up at me. “C’mon, let’s get out o’ here.”

Daryl knew what I was about to do. I pulled Michonne over to the nearest vehicle, where I used my bayonet to roll down the window and unlock the door. I could hotwire a car like the best of ‘em. Hell, I even taught my baby brother how to do this shit. One-handed or two-handed, I still got it done at a record speed.

When I looked over at my brother and his woman, I noticed that Carol was lookin’ a might surprised at how fast I got this car workin’. I couldn’t keep a grin off of my face.

“Ya jus’ lead the way li’l brother. We’ll see ya on the other side,” I nodded, going over to the passenger side to open Michonne’s door for her. She _almost_ smiled at me, which was nice to see. I shut her door once she was inside and went over to the driver’s side and plopped down in the seat.

“Ready?” I rasped. When I got a nod in return, I focused on the road ahead of me and followed my baby brother towards his new home. On the way, I occasionally looked over at my Nubian Queen. I wanted to pull over and kiss her, so fuckin’ badly, but that would just get our asses lost again.

It was still a tempting thought, though.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, here we go! I’ve decided what I’m going to be doing with the rest of the story. I’ll be taking it to the end of season three, so enjoy the ride until then. Reviews are, as always, encouraged and loved!

**Author's Note:**

> Poor Merle. Everybody give our ol’ pal Merle a big hug! So, how was it? Ya’ll know the drill! More will come following events of “Killer Within” and on!


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